“Tin Foil Hat’s Off” – Welcome to the HOTTEST comics rumor column!!!

It has been a LONG time since I have posted here – been busy.  During that time I’ve wondered what I should talk about.  Yes, I am going to continue the Hawkmanology Project, and yes, I’ll continue to post on random thoughts running through my scary mind…but what could I do with this site?  What could I do to really give it some “Oomph” and some “hey-hey!”

Then it hit me: comics rumors sites are all the rage, so I’ve decided to get in on that scam.  Welcome to the first installment of “Tin Foil Hat’s Off” where we’ll expose the dark underbelly of the seedy comic books industry.

 

JUDD WINICK IN HOT WATER WITH PETA!!!

• Comic Writer and reality TV Superstar, Judd Winick, is reportedly in hot water with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  Winick was spotted by several credible sources (most of whom do not have criminal records) as meeting with three PETA officials where they lambasted him repeatedly over issues they have with the writer and his record in regards to animal rights while sitting in a Hot Tub.  One credible source was quoted as saying “who the hell are these people?  They told me that Britney’s little sister sunbathes topless back here. Dammit!”  Another totally reliable source informed us that “Judd and his wife are way, way blacker than they appear on television!”  Finally, some guy named Steve told me that it wasn’t actually Judd Winick all of these people were spying on, but rather a starting power forward for an unnamed NBA team, his girlfriend and his friends.  The player’s wife could not be reached for comment.

Tin Foil Hats contacted Winick, but he refused to comment on this article.  Next time Tin Foil Hats will try to actually find a real phone number rather than press a random series of numbers.

DC EDITOR DAN DIDIO ARRESTED FOR BREAKING & ENTERING

• Dan Didio, editor supreme of DC Comics, was arrested yesterday in Marshalltown, Iowa, at the home of a comic book collector of 25 years.  The fan, who’s name is being withheld for his own protection, returned home from vacation early only to find Mr. Didio in his comic collection, taking inventory of his comics.  When the police arrived at John McDavid’s home…..dammit, remind me to edit out his name, ok?  Anyway – when they arrived at 2238 Morseville Drive, a defiant Mr. Didio boldy proclaimed to the police and media gathered from 58 countries that “I did it!  I broke into his house to look at his collection!”  When asked why, Mr. Didio stated “nothing gives me as much joy as targetting individual comic book fans, discovering their favorite characters and ruining them!”  Mr. Didio laughed maniacally as they took him away in the squad car, screaming “I’ll get you, comics fans!  I’ll get you all!  Every one of you!  No one is safe!  The next person I’m targetting is…” and at that point I couldn’t keep up with the squad car I had been running along as it drove off.  It was cool of them to leave the window down so that I could get that quote, tho.  The unnamed victim, John McDavid, has since gone into hiding as the whereabouts of Joe Quesada are unknown.  Hopefully Joe won’t look for a guy named Pedro Sanchez in Waxahachie, Texas, because that’s so totally McDavid in disguise!

Several names in this story have been changed, except for Mr. Didio, Mr. Quesada and Mr. McDavid…so I guess none of the names have been changed….

KEITH GIFFEN HAS BEEN NAMED A “PERSON OF INTEREST” IN CALL GIRL RING

• Legendary DC Comics writer Keith Giffen may not be Bwa-Ha-Ha-ing so much these days.  According to some guy named Steve, Giffen has been named as a possible person of interest in the investigation into a high class call girl service in San Angelo, Texas.  When asked to comment on the case, Giffen was said to reply “My hoes know when to keep tha shizzle hizzle.”   Further research on the subject eventually revealed that we did not actually contact Giffen, but rather some little 15 year-old white kid from the suburbs named Trey.  In retrospect we could have left all of that out of this report.  When asked about this case, the San Angelo Police Department issued the following statement: “SIr, if you call 911 about this again we will arrest you.”   More on this story as it develops.

editor’s note – that guy, Steve, now says that it may have been Merv Griffin, or possibly Melanie Griffith involved in this, and promises that next time he won’t drunk-dial the story in.

 

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE HOTTEST COMICS RUMORS ON THE INTERWEB THINGY!!!