Dem on Dem Violence – Delicious and Nutritious!

I will give this to Obama and Clinton – they are amusing the hell out of me.  Whether it be Reverend Wright’s Racist Rants or Sinbad Presents: the Snipers of Bosnia – they are just giving us all a good laugh here and there.  Well done, sir and ma’am!

You know who I really feel bad for in all of this?  I mean – really, truly and absolutely?  Those poor schmucks in Pennsylvania.  I thought that we had it bad here in Texas when Barack, Hillary, John and Mike were knocking on doors, going through people’s trash, setting up pirate radio stations and sending out smoke-signal attack ads for a few weeks…those poor bastards up in Pennsylvania are going to be bombarded by them for weeks to come!

I can see it now: the Streets of Philadelphia….Ghost Town!  In Pittsburgh the citizens only come out under the cover of darkness!  In Allentown they’re hiding in all those factories shut-down that Billy Joel told us about.  All of these people hiding, living in fear…if one can truly call that living.  You can’t blame them, tho – they know that if they’re spotted out on the streets that they will be attacked immediately by pollsters and stumpers, demanding to know who they are voting for…and ready to tell them why they are wrong if they say the incorrect answer!  There will be no peace, no respite for these people until after April 22nd, and the zombie heard flocks to it’s new location.

And before I go any further – I want to apologize to the zombies for comparing them to these campaign workers.  Zombies are hard-working ghouls, just trying to get by in this crazy world.  They have to put up with social stigma due to the smell of their rotting flesh and a society who doesn’t approve of these humble creature’s eating habits.  Well – mock the Zombies all that you want – at least they seek out those with Brains.  You cannot say the same for the current mob of political activists running around in Penn’s Forest.  No – they want people with fewer brains: the less thoughts the better!  They just want their targets to be able to remember the last soundbite they hear before shuffling into the polling booth to do the bidding of their new dark lords and masters.  That’s not what Zombies are about, man…I know this and I apologize to every Undead-American  who is reading this.

They’d have to be undead – I can’t see any live people reading this tripe.  Won’t stop me from typing it, tho!  Nope!  I am doing the on-line version of talking to myself.  Why?  Because I like the little tickety-tap sound the keys make when I hit them really fast. 

Back to the Dem-on-Dem Violence:  I’m a fan.  Keep it up, Hill and O!  Keep slapping each other when you are down; keep biting at each other’s last words; try to drag each other into the muck as you stumble.  You’re both doing a wonderful job right now and I know that you can keep this going all the way to the Convention!  You are it:  you are the story!  No one even knows who the Republicans are running at this point, and the Libertarians?  The Greens?  The Other Greens?  Yeah – no one knows, and no one cares!  They could all be more qualified, but that’s not the point: you guys are more entertaining!

Well, at least to those of us who find humor in people repeatedly putting their feet in their mouths.  As far as physical comedy goes, that is right up there with the unexpected shot to the nuts.  Gold every time, Jerry!  Gold!!!

As for what lies ahead: I think that we can all turn this into a game.  We could set it up like Squares, where you pick a candidate, a date and a scandal.  each space costs $10 and you can tell your buddies: “I have Obama with a hooker on April 7th;” or “Hillary takes credit for ending the Cola Wars on March 29th.”  Personally, I’m voting for whichever candidate stopped the evil Galactic Empire plans by blowing up the Death Star.

God, these people amuse me….and one of them has a chance at being in charge this time next year….

Well, that thought just killed my buzz.

Understanding Hawkman: Part 2.b – Hector

Continuing our examination of the character Hawkman, we go back to our chapter on Family, Friends and Allies.  In our first part we looked at the many loves of Hawkman’s lives.  In this installment we look at the family of Hawkman, beginning with their son. 

In all of the lives of Hawkman and Hawkgirl, the one thing that they never had was children…not until this lifetime.  The curse that gave them life immortal showed it’s first sign of strain with the anomalous birth of the son of Carter and Sheira Hall.  For the first time there was another part of their cycle of death and rebirth: one who soon showed that he was a lot like his mother and father.

Hector Hall (aka: Silver Scarab; aka Sandman; aka Dr. Fate)

Hector is the son of Carter and Sheira Hall.  He followed in their footsteps as a crime-fighting adventurer, taking a name with ties to his family’s Egyptian roots: the Silver Scarab.  He, along with other sons and daughters of the JSA formed their own team of super-heroes: Infinity, Inc.  It was while a member of this group that Hector fell in love with Lyta Hall, the heroine known as the Fury.  It was eventually revealed that he was caught up in the curse of Hath-Set, and was inteded to be a soulless vessel to destroy the Hawks.  He was killed in action while Lyta was pregnant, and the inherint goodness of the child he conceived was the curse’s undoing.  But like his parents, Hector was not one to be stopped by death.

Hector would next show up as the Sandman – a hero based out of a segment of the Dreaming which was cut off by two rogue nightmares during Morpheus’ absence.  He would visit Lyta in her dreams, eventually discovering that she was pregnant with his child.  She became aware of him and they married, and she followed him into the Dreaming.  They existed there for some time – far beyond the gestation time of a normal pregnancy.  When Morpheus eventually returned he dispatched the rogue dreams and Hector along with them.  He allowed Lyta to leave the Dreaming, noting that due to the development of the child in his realm, he would be eternally tied to it.

 Hector was reborn for the third time in the pages of Johns and Robinson’s initial storyarc of JSA.  Hector’s soul was reborn into a baby’s body which was the perfect balance of Order and Chaos.  The biological parents were eventually revealed to be Hawk (Hank Hall) and Dove (Dawn Granger).  The child was sought after by the dark lord, Mordru, but before he could possess it, Hank’s spirit took control as the new host for Nabu’s power: his champion, Dr. Fate.  Hector seemed destined to become the greatest bearer of Nabu’s power, but it was quickly set into motion that he and the giver of his powers would be at odds.  Constantly distracted from his learning by his desire to find his love, Lyta, again, the relationship between Student and Mentor was cleary strained.  Attempting to impose a level of control over his champion that he never tried with Kent Nelson or Eric and Linda Strauss, Nabu would become more of a hinderance to Hector’s development rather than a proper mentor.  Their antagonistic relationship came to a head during the JSA-Hawkman crossover, Black Reign, when Nabu took control of Hector’s body, trapping his soul away in the world inside his amulet in order to ally himself with an ancient ally: Black Adam.  It was then that Hector discovered that Nabu had been keeping Lyta prisoner, as to keep her out of the way of what he considered Hector’s proper learning path to be.  Other former bearers of Nabu’s power were also imprisoned, and equally fed up with the old, controlling wizard.  Working together they managed to subdue Nabu and restored Hector to power in his own body, and freed Lyta to be at his side.

Hector and Lyta’s time together would be brief as they fell victim to an editorial “new direction” for Dr. Fate.  They were essentially killed off unceremoniously in a distant, cold place.  While their bodies died, however, their souls lived on – returning to the Dreaming at the behest of their son, whom we shall discuss at a later time.  Since their death and the re-emergence of the Helm of Nabu in the DCU, not a mention has been made of Hector or Lyta by their friends, family or teammates.  Their bodies remain in cold, unknown place with only the snow to cover them.

At this point, DC does not seem interested in following up on this story.

War is Upon us: Fables #71

There are just a handful of comics that I put ahead of just about any other: Ostrander’s Spectre; Gaiman’s Sandman; and Robinson’s Starman are probably at the top of that list.  Coming up fast behind them, and very likely to overtake them is what may be the best ongoing comic published today: Fables.

I arrived to this show late, but it did not take long for me to catch up.  I devoured the first 8 trade paperbacks as well as the 1001 Nights of Snowfall hardcover; and jumped on board for the monthlies with the recently-concluded storyline: The Good Prince.  Now everything that Bill Willingham has built up to in this comic appears to be coming to a head.  The War with the Homelands is no longer just talk: it is a reality.

And who better to get kick things off in this war than the most fashionable, foul-mouthed, super-sneaky, butt-kicker supreme: Cinderella!

PLEASE NOTE: There will be SPOILERS for this issue (#71) in this post, so if you don’t wish to read them, then check back here after you have! 

That is the cover to issue #71; and for those unfamiliar with Fables, it should be apparant that this isn’t Walt Disney’s little princess.  She does, however, owe a lot of her power to the Maker of the Mouse, who has kept her legend alive and well-known by millions.  The better-known the Fable, the more powerful they are.  So it only makes sense that She of the Glass Slipper would be one of the strongest, toughest Fables out there.

Already more powerful than your average Mundy (that’s the Mudane folk – the people of this world who only know these characters through fairy tale legends); Cinderella enters into the stratosphere of near SuperFable.  We’ve already seen what some of the more popular Fables have endured: Snow White survived being shot in the head; Jack Horner seems to be impaled or blown up every other issue; and Goldilocks…oy vey – where to begin?  The story of Cinderella is as well-known, or possibly even better-known than those Fables, so we can only imagine her power, which was hinted at in this issue (being able to flip over a large SUV without breaking a nail).

The thing about Cindy, tho – most Fables believe her to be a spoiled, foul-mouthed brat who by some miracle manages to keep a small shoe store in operation when she is not out galivanting about the globe.  None of them realize what we have known for some time: that she is essentially Fabletown’s number one spy and secret agent.  Recruited and trained by Bigby Wolf (the Big Bad Wolf and essentially the hero of this overall tale), Cindy has proven to be born for the life she now secretly leads.  Her latest adventure in this current issue take her to one of the Homeland’s open gates (soft spots between dimensions where one can travel between worlds) all the way down in Tierra del Fuego at the tip of Argentina.  She has been sent down to retrieve a package deemed so important that she is the only person that Bigby Wolf and her scoundrel of an ex-husband (but brilliant military commander) Prince Charming will trust to retrieve and return it safely to Fabletown.

 Her arrival in Tierra del Fuego gets off ot the wrong start immediately, as the man who was supposed to meet her to transfer the package brought two rather large goons along rather than come alone as agreed.  It turns out that the duplicitous and foolish, foolish little man had decided that instead of giving her the package, thta he would take her – a stunningly beautiful woman travelling alone – and attempt to sell her into human slavery to someone who would handsomely for a woman of her qualities.  Yes…well, this was a bad idea.

Within seconds, Cindy blinds one goon by jabbing his eyes out with her thumbs, shoots the other one and causes the vehicle that they are in to flip, knocking the very foolish man unconscious.  It is during this time that Cindy reveals her strength by flipping the vehicle back over while ot even questioning for a moment if she could.  When the foolish little man awakens she makes him take her to the package, even though that it is clear to her that he is setting her up again.  She willingly walks into this trap of his for the sake of checking on the package’s safety: and it is revealed to be Pinocchio – the runaway son of the Adversary and former citizen of Fabletown.  It turns out that he wants to come back, and that Bigby and Charming have decided that his knowledge is worth the risk of getting him.

Oh yeah – that trap?  Another bad idea.  Cindy dispatches the entire room full of goons quickly and without quarter, all the while mocking them in her thoughts, making fun of spy movies and looking absolutely fabulous while doing it.  We’ve seen her in some cloak and dagger action, but this is the first time that we really get to see her cut loose, and it is a sight to behold.  The single greatest mystery in the Fables comics is clearly this: how on Earth did Prince Charming survive pissing this woman off?

After the foolish, little man and his goons are dispatched, Cindy takes Pinocchio off the beaten path to get them home while avoiding trouble.  She makes some very funny comments about not standing out when she may as well be an albino in Kenya with her fashion choices.  She arrives back in the room that she and Pinocchio are staying in…only to discover that they have been found by one of the Adversary’s most nefarious agents: the murderous Hansel.

Once we get the veiled threats and veiled counter-threats out of the way, we get to the business of Hansel trying to pump her for information…but once again it seems that Hansel is a day late and a dollar short.  He wants to know when the War will begin.  He wants to know when Fabletown intends to strike, and we get a wonderful, Watchman-esque reaction from a laughing Cindy: the war began over 19 hours ago when Fabletown attacked from the Cloud Kingdoms.

Every so often this comic makes me declare a favorite character, only to declare a new favorite character a month later.  For a long time now I have been a Cindy fan and I have been looking forward to this spotlight issue, and now I am even more enamoured with the character than when I began.  Cindy, in the words of Jesus, totally freaking rules.

The War has begun, and for us readers the hardest part is upon us: the wait until the next issue comes out.

p.s. – I very nearly forgot to add that Prince Charming resigned as Mayor of Fabletown, leaving the recently-appointed King Cole to once again assume the duties as mayor.  His first act was to re-instate Beauty as deputy mayor and then to appoint Prince Charming as Director of Homeland Reclamation.  Prince Charming’s sole duty now is the generalship of the war.

Where have all the boobies gone?

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5627813.html

The decade-long battle between the City of Houston, Harris County and the multitude of strip clubs, wank banks, and “modelling studios” was dealt a severe blow yesterday as the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the appeal brought forth by several sexually-oriented business owners and managers.

 The city points out that it has spent about 1.2 million dollars enforcing the standards put in place in 1997…but they aren’t really saying exactly how much revenue they have made off of said places in that same time period.  I understand that there are some neighborhoods that want these places out, but overall this has always just seemed like another two-faced attempt to legislate morality while profitting from what they complain about.

I understand that the city doesn’t want a red light district…or multple red light districts, but when nighborhoods, schools and churches pop up around where some of these establishments are located, then don’t they share in the blame?  Is it really OK to drive people out of a place where they’ve been doing business just because you don’t care for it?

I’m not a patron of these establishments.  Unlike the former Governor of New York, I think that it is absolutely horrifying to spend so much money on prostitutes and other sexual perversions.  After all, I’m all about smart budgeting: I have never spent more than $750 for a hooker; and I can find plenty of pornography on the internet if the need arises (which I still don’t require a pill for: little, blue or otherwise).  That may not qualify me for public office, but it gets the job done!

But I digress – just because I do not no longer attend these places on a regular basis it does not mean that I am going to be less outraged when I see what I perceive to be bad civic policy.  We can’t have our strippers, hookers and patrons of wank banks harrassed by schools, hospitals or the Sunday Mafia.  NOT IN MY HOUSTON!

Our city was founded on brothels, casinos and pubs, dammit!  It is our heritage.  We cannot turn our backs on our heritage now just because the Presbyterians and Lutherans don’t want to see Candy Kane, Euphoria and Cherry Bombz walking to work on Sunday morning with their night-time makeup, “f**k-me” pumps and fresh-off-the-assembly-line chests!  We cannot forget our past just because some parents don’t want their children to not know about the multiple opportunities to break into the fashion industry at any one of our numerous of “modelling” studios!  We cannot let the dream of Augustus and John Kirby Allen die just because some random city councilman, who back in the late 90s blew over $7500 on a stripper named Chastity Synz, and has since held a grudge after discovering that she didn’t really “like him” like him!!!!  NEVER!!!

 As long as the city collects revenue from these establishments, we should stand as one and raise our hands into the air and say “NEIN!!!”

OK, one hand will do.

On Astros and Fissures…

We knew that Kaz was an injury risk coming into this season, but my god – we live in a world of far too much information!

All that I needed to know about Kaz Matsui going on the disabled list is that he had surgery on his groin-area.  I did not need to know that he is out due to anal fissures that required surgery.  My god – that just sounds painful!  The simple concept of anal fissures is bad enough, but to think that they can get so bad that it requires surgery?  Ow! OW! OW!!!!

I guess that this means that we’ll start the season with Mark Loretta at second, so I have to figure that the batting order may change up a bit.  Perhaps now it will be:

1.  Michael Bourn
2. JR Towles
3. Lance Berkman
4. Miguel Tejada
5. Carlos Lee
6. Hunter Pence
7. Ty Wigginton
8. Mark Loretta

So, I moved Towles to #2, and put Loretta in at #8.  I’m not sure how married the Astros are to moving the catcher out of the 8-spot, but he’s definately got some pop in that bat.  I could see them wanting to keep him for late RBI help at the bottom of the lineup.  Loretta can get on base, so he may be the better candidate with Berkman, Tejada, Lee and Pence behind him and Bourn, but I’d like to see Towles get a chance to get us some quick offense.

The season is getting closer and my hopes remain low for this squad.  This remains the most relaxing preseason I can think of in recent memory for me as a fan.  Every negative is accepted and every positive is just a nice bonus!

 Go Rockets!!!!

What?  The Rockets are Rocking.  I’ll cheer for the Astros when the season starts.

Understanding Hawkman: Part 3.a – The Villains

Welcome to part one of our third installment of the Hawkmanology Project, in which we explore the character and history of DC Comic’s Winged Warrior: Hawkman.  As with every classic comics character there are three essential aspects to cover: their origin and personality; their supporting cast; and of course, their villains.  In our first installment we touched upon the various histories, and how they have been merged by Geoff Johns, James Robinson and David Goyer into the current background and origin of Hawkman.  In the second installment we began exploring the friendly supporting cast of Hawkman, starting with the many loves of his life.  In this installment we’ll begin looking at the many villains of Hawkman through his many incarnations.

While not as well-known as the villains of other heroes, such as Lex Luthor, the Joker, Sinestro, or even Captain Cold; Hawkman is not without an interesting cast of his own foes.  We’re going to begin with some of his better-known foes to the comics-reading community as a whole.  Long-time fans such as myself may not put these foes as high as others, but with this entire Hawkmanology Project I am trying to make it relevant to the character as he exists today.

 The Shadow-Thief

Carl Sands, aka, the Shadow-Thief is probably the most recognizable villain in Hawkman’s rogue’s gallery.  He was a somewhat incompetant saboteur and thief who saw his fortunes changed when he came across Thanagarian technology known as the “Dimensiometer,” or simply the “shadow-vest” for us non-alien types.  This granted Sands with the ability to phase into a two-dimensional shadow-like state.  He can become two or three-dimensional at will, he can travel through shadows and across and through most materials.  He became an accomplished thief after acquiring these abilities, but the vest has had terrible side effects on his mental state as well as having become an addictive property to Sands.  He recently killed Ronald Raymond, who was the former host of the Firestorm Matrix.

 Gentleman Ghost

“Gentleman” Jim Craddock was the bastard son of a British aristocrat who turned to a life of the Highwayman, thieving his way across the ocean to America where he encounted the western heroes, Nighthawk and Cinnamon, who were that era’s incarnation of Hawkman and Hawkgirl.  In a fit of rage, Nighthawk killed Craddock, but due to their Nth metal exposure he became caught up in their curse and has haunted them in every lifetime since.  Sometimes a friend, sometimes a foe…the true nature of Craddock was not known to Hawkman util the past few years where he made it clear that despite sometimes appearing to be an ally, he harbors nothing but hatred for the Hawks and will continue to haunt them through their days.

 Byth

Byth Rok was a Wingman of Thanagar, who’s corrupt ways made him a criminal on his planet.  He acquired shape-shifting abilities through the use of illegal drug, Krotan, which he used to escape Thanagar, eventually hiding on Earth.  It was the pursuit of this criminal that led Katar Hol and Shayera Thal to Earth, where they became caught up in the Hawkman mythos.  When last seen, Byth had been taken down by Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Hawkgirl and Animal Man.  He is rumored to be an intergalactic arms dealer, and his outfitting of Carl Sands with the Dimensiometer fit in with those rumors.

 Blackfire

Kommand’r, Queen of the vagabond remnants of the Tamaranean race, has but two purposes in her life now: to find a home for her people; and to acquire great power and influence in the process.  She inserted her people into the middle of the Rann-Thanagar War, working both sides against each other.  When her duplicity was revealed she murdered Shayera Thal, better known as Hawkwoman.  This made her an eternal enemy of Hawkman, who spent the better part of a year trying to take her down (albeit in an uncharacteristic “by the book” way), which he succeeded in doing, while stripping her of her own solar energy based powers.  The burning animosity between the two all but guarantees that we have not seen their last conflict with one another.

  Onimar Synn

One of the Seven Devils of Thanagarian mythology – Onimar Synn has proven to be all-too real.  His complete mastery of the mysterious Nth metal has made him one of the galaxy’s most powerful beings, with the ego and pride to go with it.  He had conquered Thanagar, which directly led to the rebirth of Carter Hall as Hawkman on that planet.  After Hawkman and Hawkgirl (with the JSA’s assistance) defeated Synn, he waited until the moment was right to strike again, which led to the ongoing war between Rann and Thanagar.  Seemingly banished once again, there is little doubt that Onimar Synn will not only return, but return even more powerful than before.

OK – that’s closing this part of the chapter.  I know that some may question the rhyme or reason for selecting these five when discussing Hawkman’s villains, and not some of his more classic foes, but I will get to them soon.  I wanted to touch on the five that I feel are most relevant to the character as he stands now.

Confessions of a “crossover” voter

Perhaps you’ve heard of me.  I’m one of the hundreds of thousands currently being villified across Texas and Ohio for what some consider to be a subversion of the democratic process.

That’s right – I’m a “crossover” voter…or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Hillary Clinton’s wins in Texas and Ohio have been getting a lot of attention from Democratic Party activists, who bemoan the practice of “crossover” voting, which is when a member of a rival political party  vote in their opponent’s primaries to try to set up the election of their choosing in November.  They claim that it is “not fair,” which is always the first, last and most effective argument of a whiner.

It is true that many on the Right-leaning side of American politics were urging their members to vote for the Senator of New York, in hopes of either continuing the in-party bickering amongst the Democrats, or to set up a better opponent for John McCain to pull off a victory against in November.  I know of several people who did just this, including several close friends and relations, and for many of them, they did so just for the reasons that the likes of Rush Limbaugh has been espousing in recent days.

I have been told by many of my wonderful, non-judgemental Left-leaning friends that I am one of those nasty, poopy-pants who have struck a tell-tale blow against democracy.  I did vote in the Democratic primary, even tho I have no intention of voting for that party in November.  For my part, tho, I was not acting on the orders of Limbaugh – I voted for Obama.  Why did I do this?  It is simple: I cannot stand Hillary Clinton, a sentiment that goes back to before her days as first lady of the White House.  I won’t go into detail here why I feel such antipathy for the Senator, but trust me when I say that there is not a thing that anyone could say which would change my opinion of her.

So, why did I vote for Obama when I plan of voting for McCain?  Did I think that he’d be an easier opponent for my candidate of choice?  Not at all – what it came down to for me is that I would not have a problem with Obama as President, and in all of my years of voting for the leader of the free world, I have never had a contest where I could live with either of the major party candidates.  I do not agree with the man politically; I believe that he is rather divisive for a “uniter;” and I question some of his goals and ambitions.  That said – I’d much rather give him a shot than entertain the possibility of the Senator of New York in the White House.  I guess that it is the opposite feeling of “the devil you know.”

But here is where I take exception to the label of “crossover” voter.  That label implies that I am a Republican, which I am not, and it incorrectly asserts that I buy into our petty gang war…I mean, two-party system, which again, I do not.  I do tend to lean towards the right on many social issues, but those are not important to me.  I don’t believe that you can legislate morality, and politicians who try to do such, be they Sharks or Jets, just get a nice roll of the eyes from me.

My reasons for usually voting Republican as opposed to Democrat are mostly based on financial and economic factors.  Fiscally, I am essentially conservative; I am pro-business; I do not like programs which lead to dependancy on the Federal Government; and I believe in smart economic planning.  Since I believe in all of those things, you can see why I do not consider myself a Republican.  They have been letting me down more and more over the years, and they are no longer the party of fiscal responsibility.  Bear in mind – when I say that they aren’t, it doesn’t mean that I think that the Democrats are: they’re worse, and that’s why, despite being less than enamored with the Republicans, I still find them to be more palatable to my taste than their Donkey Brothers and Sisters.

But I am not a Republican.  I will not give them, nor any of their candidates a dime.  I won’t give my money to the other side either.  I have no allegiance to either party, therefore while some may consider me to be a “crossover” voter, I shrug off that label.  Earlier this week I did nothing to “subvert” the democratic process; I did nothing that “was not fair:” I made the decision based upon what I felt was best for me in the long run.

As for the criticism from the Republican side, especially the 305 people – you choose amongst yourselves who is going to represent your party in all of the State, County and Judicial elections.  If they’re any good, then I’ll consider voting for them in November.

I don’t care for pre-season Baseball

I don’t care for pre-season Baseball.  That’s how I know that I’m just a fan, and not a rabid fan.

As much as I enjoy Baseball, there are some aspects of the game which I have never been able to get into that seem to be the glass ceiling preventing me from being considered a “true” fan of the game.  Pre-season baseball is one, and stats are the other.

I am not against pre-season baseball, I just feel that it, like most other sport pre-seasons, goes on far too long.  I understand the need to evaluate talent, and to get a look at the prospects against current major leaguers to gauge their progress…I just don’t need to watch it.  Actually – watching it isn’t the issue: it is listening to it.  I spend far too much time in the car to have one of my sports talk radio options taken away for several hours to broadcast a meaningless game.

I’ll follow pre-season baseball…to a degree.  I’ll read the Chronicle reports on players and activities; but I don’t follow it on a daily basis.  When the season gets closer I’ll pay attention a bit more, but with the length of pre-season, that won’t be for a while.  A lot of my fellow Astros fans are paying close attention this pre-season like to point out that we’re a club of unfamiliar faces, and that they want to know what to expect when the season starts.  More power to them, but I’ll start learning on Opening Day!

 One thing I won’t be learning on opening day are Stats.  Not the mathematics behind statistics, I understand that quite well: it’s just the application to baseball which loses me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll follow Batting Average, ERA and Slugging Percentage over the course of the season; but I will not be able to cross-reference the number of home runs a player has hit on a Tuesday with their batting average in AA ball during away games in June.  I have never understood the appeal of such things.

I guess that I do understand how some can find number-crunching interesting.  Personally, I find forensic accounting to be fascinating…but knowing who hit the most triples under a full moon in August in domed stadiums?  Escapes me.

I do marvel at the fans who seem to have this inate ability to calculate and cross-reference statistics.  I look at fans talking on message boards, or I’ll be out at the sports pub listening to people comparing these numbers and it is just a wonder that they can keep everything straight in their own mind while still being able to formulate counter-arguments with contradictory stats.  It is amazing, but it is beyond me.

I’m more of a beer and a hot dog guy when it comes to baseball.