Project NBT Update

I have decided that after a nine month hiatus that I will be restarting Project NBT.

What is project NBT, you may ask???

Well…stay tuned for the next update.

The melancholy ramblings of a sad Texan

There’s a line from Neil Gaiman’s classic comic, The Sandman, which has stayed with me over 15 years after I read it when I was younger.  It comes from the incredible storyline known as “Brief Lives,” which can be found at your friendly, neighborhood comics shop.

The story involves the lead character, Dream, along with his sister, Delerium, looking for their missing brother, Destruction.  Not only are all of these characters fans of names beginning with the letter “D,” they are all also essentially immortal beings, which leads to this memorable quote, spoken by the wayward brother,  Destruction, as they walked through the garden at night.

“I like the stars. It’s the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they’re always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend… I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don’t last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend.”

I am not the biggest fan of the Sandman that you will find, but that may be my favorite quote in all of comics, and perhaps in all media.  Those words have always resonated with me throughout many periods of my life.  Today I found myself thinking of them again as I looked into the nothingness of the night sky.

Nothingness.  Emptiness.  No stars…at least none that I could see. 

This is the one thing that has always bothered me about life in the city: sometimes I can’t see the stars.  I have lived in a small town in farm country; I have travelled across big sky country; and I have sailed on the Bering Sea where there isn’t a light of a city for hundreds of miles.  I have seen starry nights so spectacular that to simply look upon them is to forget anything that may be troubling you; instead getting lost in their brilliant, yet distant embrace.

They were not there tonight.  I have come to realize something about myself over the years: I am sad if I cannot see the stars.  I feel alone without them there.  Here I am, living in “Space City,” and my night sky is drowned out by the dull glow of halogen lights and flare towers.  A night sky of yellowish-brown; devoid of stars.

Believe me when I say that it is difficult being a conservationist working in the largest petrochemical refining area in the hemisphere.  I am all too aware that the putrid brown sky blocking my stars is not the work of the halogen lights of the endless refineries alone.  I know what is pumped into the air, and I am not foolishly idealistic enough to believe that we can just shut everything down and fix it.  I am actually in my current job because of my belief in a better future.  I took it so that I could work with technologies that could help to heal our world while still advancing ourselves.

Tonight I couldn’t help but wonder if we could ever do enough.  I’ve already given up hope that I, alone, can make a difference; but I fear that the last, lingering shreds of that naive idealism may be fading: blotted out just like the stars which give me my illusion of permanance.

Tomorrow I will wake up and go back to work, and hopefully this spell of despair will have passed.  Hopefully I’ll once again believe that I can do something to make a difference.  Hopefully, someone else will, too.

It would just make me feel a whole lot better if I could see my stars tomorrow night.

Beijing 2008

This is a political cartoon I’m working on which I’m going to be using for a couple articles on the upcoming Olympic Games.

 

“Tin Foil Hat’s Off” 5/14/08

Welcome to today’s installment of Tin Foil Hat’s Off, the hottest rumor column in the world of comics!

 

NORTHSTAR OUTTED AS A SKRULL!!!

• TFHO has received information from multiple credible sources that it will be revealed that former X-Man and member of Alpha Flight, Northstar, will soon be revealed as a long-time Skrull in disguise.  The story is that the Real Northstar was kidnapped years ago and has had a Skrull impersonating him ever since.  The reasoning behind this is that Marvel wishes to undo the decision for the character to be homosexual.  The timeline will show that Northstar coming out as a homosexual was in fact a Skrull impersonating Northstar pretending to be homosexual.  When the real Northstar returns Marvel plans on hooking him up in a stable, heterosexual relationship with another former member of Alpha Flight.  Some guy named Steve informs us that it will not be Snowbird or the young, female Puck, leaving few options open for our woman-lusting speedster Cannuck.

NEW CREATIVE TEAMS TO BE ANNOUNCED FOR GREEN LANTERN, JSA AND LEGION OF 3 WORLDS

• Multiple totally credible sources have informed TFHO that they will be unveiling new writers for Green Lantern, Justice Society of America and the upcoming Legion of Three Worlds.  When asked to comment on this, DC Editor Extraordinaire, Dan Didio confirmed that the changes in writers had been discussed, but there was nothing that they were ready to announce at this time.  When asked if this was tied into Geoff Johns’ rumored escape from DC Comics’ offices, a confrontational Mr Didio informed TFHO that Geoff Johns had never been held against his will, forced to write comics in exchange for food and water, and that the chains on his desk were Mr. Johns’ idea as he felt that they made him a better writer.  Mr. Didio did state that if anyone does happen to see Mr. Johns, not to call the police or his family, but rather contact a local Time-Warner Repossesion Squad immediately, and to tell no one.

SEAN McKEEVER’S SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY IN PUBLIC PARK

• According to multiple sources, writer of the Teen Titans and the upcoming Terror Titans miniseries was seen recently sitting in a park eating a sandwich.  It is not known at this time what kind of sandwich it was, but according to multiple, completely credible sources it was possibly of the Egg Salad or Chicken Salad variety.  When TFHO contacted DC Comics on this issue we received the following statement: “who in the hell are you people and how did you get this number?”  TFHO will stay on this story and bring you developments as they happen.

BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE TO ACTIVIST GROUP

• TFHO has learned from this totally credible source that Brian Michael Bendis still refuses to apologize to the American Paleontological Society after he was overheard telling a friend that he was glad that the Dinosaurs were extinct because they were “big, stupid, smelly, cold-blooded monsters who would likely eat us all if they were still alive.”  Enraged Dinosaur-lovers have demanded at the least an apology from the creator and his employer, Marvel Comics; however some more militant factions of those activist groups are demanded that Bendis be fired for his insensitivity, even tho they conceded that the Dinosaurs probably would eat us if they had a chance.  When asked to comment, We were told that Bendis was not available, but in the background we overheard someone sounding remarkably like Bendis yelling “The Hell?  Is that another one of those #@$%in’ Dino-Lovers?”  We cannot confirm that it was Bendis, but according to this guy named Steve, it probably was.

 

Join us next time for the best comics rumors found anywhere on the internet!  If you have any juicy gossip that you’d like to share, just let us know – the only thing we ask is that you have totally, like, completely credible sources or at least have it verified by that guy, Steve.

“Tin Foil Hat’s Off” – Welcome to the HOTTEST comics rumor column!!!

It has been a LONG time since I have posted here – been busy.  During that time I’ve wondered what I should talk about.  Yes, I am going to continue the Hawkmanology Project, and yes, I’ll continue to post on random thoughts running through my scary mind…but what could I do with this site?  What could I do to really give it some “Oomph” and some “hey-hey!”

Then it hit me: comics rumors sites are all the rage, so I’ve decided to get in on that scam.  Welcome to the first installment of “Tin Foil Hat’s Off” where we’ll expose the dark underbelly of the seedy comic books industry.

 

JUDD WINICK IN HOT WATER WITH PETA!!!

• Comic Writer and reality TV Superstar, Judd Winick, is reportedly in hot water with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  Winick was spotted by several credible sources (most of whom do not have criminal records) as meeting with three PETA officials where they lambasted him repeatedly over issues they have with the writer and his record in regards to animal rights while sitting in a Hot Tub.  One credible source was quoted as saying “who the hell are these people?  They told me that Britney’s little sister sunbathes topless back here. Dammit!”  Another totally reliable source informed us that “Judd and his wife are way, way blacker than they appear on television!”  Finally, some guy named Steve told me that it wasn’t actually Judd Winick all of these people were spying on, but rather a starting power forward for an unnamed NBA team, his girlfriend and his friends.  The player’s wife could not be reached for comment.

Tin Foil Hats contacted Winick, but he refused to comment on this article.  Next time Tin Foil Hats will try to actually find a real phone number rather than press a random series of numbers.

DC EDITOR DAN DIDIO ARRESTED FOR BREAKING & ENTERING

• Dan Didio, editor supreme of DC Comics, was arrested yesterday in Marshalltown, Iowa, at the home of a comic book collector of 25 years.  The fan, who’s name is being withheld for his own protection, returned home from vacation early only to find Mr. Didio in his comic collection, taking inventory of his comics.  When the police arrived at John McDavid’s home…..dammit, remind me to edit out his name, ok?  Anyway – when they arrived at 2238 Morseville Drive, a defiant Mr. Didio boldy proclaimed to the police and media gathered from 58 countries that “I did it!  I broke into his house to look at his collection!”  When asked why, Mr. Didio stated “nothing gives me as much joy as targetting individual comic book fans, discovering their favorite characters and ruining them!”  Mr. Didio laughed maniacally as they took him away in the squad car, screaming “I’ll get you, comics fans!  I’ll get you all!  Every one of you!  No one is safe!  The next person I’m targetting is…” and at that point I couldn’t keep up with the squad car I had been running along as it drove off.  It was cool of them to leave the window down so that I could get that quote, tho.  The unnamed victim, John McDavid, has since gone into hiding as the whereabouts of Joe Quesada are unknown.  Hopefully Joe won’t look for a guy named Pedro Sanchez in Waxahachie, Texas, because that’s so totally McDavid in disguise!

Several names in this story have been changed, except for Mr. Didio, Mr. Quesada and Mr. McDavid…so I guess none of the names have been changed….

KEITH GIFFEN HAS BEEN NAMED A “PERSON OF INTEREST” IN CALL GIRL RING

• Legendary DC Comics writer Keith Giffen may not be Bwa-Ha-Ha-ing so much these days.  According to some guy named Steve, Giffen has been named as a possible person of interest in the investigation into a high class call girl service in San Angelo, Texas.  When asked to comment on the case, Giffen was said to reply “My hoes know when to keep tha shizzle hizzle.”   Further research on the subject eventually revealed that we did not actually contact Giffen, but rather some little 15 year-old white kid from the suburbs named Trey.  In retrospect we could have left all of that out of this report.  When asked about this case, the San Angelo Police Department issued the following statement: “SIr, if you call 911 about this again we will arrest you.”   More on this story as it develops.

editor’s note – that guy, Steve, now says that it may have been Merv Griffin, or possibly Melanie Griffith involved in this, and promises that next time he won’t drunk-dial the story in.

 

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE HOTTEST COMICS RUMORS ON THE INTERWEB THINGY!!!

 

Understanding Hawkman: Part 2.c – More Family

Welcome back to another installment of the Hawkmanology Project.  In our last part of this chapter we focused on the son of Hawkman, Hector Hall.  In this we will look at more members of his extended family.  One thing to remember with Hawkman and Hawkgirl (Sheira) through the years is that they did not have children until this past reincarnation, so the family aspect is new to their long lives.

 

Northwind – Norda Cantrell is the adopted son of Carter and Sheira Hall.  He comes from the hidden city of Feithera and is born of a native Feitheran mother and a human father.  The Halls often travelled to that hidden land and over time they eventually adopted Norda.  Norda was already caught up in the curse of Hath-Set, and he would stand in opposition to his eventual friend and teammate, Hector, the birth son of his adopted parents.  Norda along with several other sons and daughters of the JSA formed a group of their own called Infinity, Inc.  They eventually disbanded and Norda was not seen for some time.  He was next seen as an ally of Black Adam in Khandaq, his form radically changed to the appearance seen above.  We learn that Feithera was destroyed by the actions of humans and their entire race went through hyperevolution to survive.  His people still reside in Khandaq.

Fury (Lyta Trevor-Hall) – Lyta is the daughter of the Golden Age Heroine, Fury, and was raised by Derek and Joan Trevor (aka Joan Dale, Miss America).  Along with several other sons and daughters of the Golden Age heroes she joined the group Infinity, Inc, taking the name of her mother: Fury.  It was while a member of that group that she met and fell in love with Hector Hall, eventually becoming pregnant with his child before his death.  It was later revealed that Hector had gone on to take the mantle of the Sandman and had been visiting Lyta.  Eventually she joined him in the dreaming where they finally married.  She had a prolonged pregnancy while in the Dreaming before Hector’s spirit was cast away by a returning Morpheus of the Endless and Lyta was banished from the dreaming.  Their son Daniel was finally born, but his ties to the Dreaming were powerful.  He was kidnapped and Lyta was forced to play a part in the killing of Morpheus of the Endless, causing her son Daniel to take his place.  Lyta was lost for many years afterwards before Hector, now returned to life as Dr. Fate, found her and they enjoyed a short time of happiness together before they were killed by a rampaging Spectre.  Hector and Lyta’s souls were seen departing to the Dreaming once again, their family reunited.

 

Daniel, Dream of the Endless – The son of Hector and Lyta Hall spent most of the time in his mother’s womb while they resided in the realm known as the Dreaming.  Lyta was pregnant for far longer than a normal term as the child became connected with the Dreaming.  He was kidnapped shortly after being born and used in a revenge plot against Morpheus of the Endless, Lord of the Dreaming.  His ties to the Dreaming and his role in this plot marked the child, Daniel, as the new avatar of Dream of the Endless, replacing Morpheus.  A child who was never given a chance to grow up became one of the most powerful beings in creation, but he did reach out at the end of the lives of his parents to bring their souls to reside with him within the Dreaming.

OK, we’re going to end this part of the chapter now and next we’ll discuss the various close friends and allies of Hawkman.

Understanding Hawkman: Part 3.b – More Villains

 

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkmanology.  At this time we’re going to revisit the villains of Hawkman with a focus on a recent storyline.  A couple years back the creative team of Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray and Michael Bennett put together an ambitious, mulit-part story bringing back several of Hawkman’s enemies from years past; many of whom had not been seen since the Golden Age.  This storyline is collected in a trade paperback titled “Rise of the Golden Eagle.”

Leading this motley crew of hired thugs is a man who also plagued Batman and other heroes back in the Silver Age:

The Fadeaway Man – Dr. Anton Lamont was an art history professor who came into the possession of the Cloak of noted occultist Alessandro Cagliostro.  Lamont learned of the Cloak’s mystical properties and used it to lead a life of crime.  The Cloak of Cagliostro has many abilities, but most notable is it’s ability to teleport its wearer anywhere in the world.  Lamont used that particular ability to become a master thief, running afoul of the likes of Hawkman, Hawkgirl and Batman.  Looking to retire, Lamont took up an offer for one last job: to completely and utterly destroy his old foe, Hawkman.   He assembled a collection of villains from Hawkman’s past for the job and they seemed to succeed; but Hawkman returned with a vengeance, brutalizing the Fadeaway Man and his allies and taking the Cloak of Cagliostro as his own.  At last sighting, the Fadeaway Man managed to steal the Cloak back, but what he decided to do afterwards has yet to be written.

Lion-Mane – Ed Dawson was an archaeologist and a big-game hunter who came into contact with a meteorite with mystical properties called Mithra.  This turned Dawson into a were-lion, with the beast’s power and ferocity amplified a hundred-fold.  Lion-Mane would clash with Hawkman many times, and after the Hawkworld re-imagining we discover that Lion-Mane is a Lion Avatar, just as Katar Hol was a Hawk avatar.  The character went unused for years until he became one of the Fadeaway Man’s mercenaries.  Lion-Mane added his incredible savagry to that group, but he would soon find that his savagry was no match for an angry Hawkman.  The last time we saw Lion-Mane he was horribly beaten and possibly blinded in one eye.  His whereabouts since are unknown.

Hummingbird – Not much is known about this character, save for the fact that she is…well, not entirely sane.  That may actually be an understatement.  When she was a child she witnessed her mother kill her father (over pancakes…seriously), and she then tied her mother to her bed and set her on fire so that her father wouldn’t be lonely in the afterlife.  She is an absolutely brilliant inventor, but she makes a point to invent devices such as cluster bombs designed to bring as much pain, death and destruction as possible to her targets.

Lasso – I have to admit…I know little to nothing about this character, Lasso.  I know that he is  villain from Hawkman’s golden age.  He was one of the mercenaries brought together by the Fadeaway Man to take Hawkman down once and for all.  For all of his troubles, Lasso ended up a snow bunny.

Satana – She is as stylish as she is utterly evil.  She is one of Hawkman’s villains from way back in the day, brought together under Fadeaway Man’s banner to end Hawkman once and for all.  Satana fancies herself as a sort of modern day Circe, using her science to meld humans with animals, all under her control.  She, undet the guidance of Hawkman’s foes, used her science to breed a version of the dreaded Manhawks.

Manhawks – The Manhawks are vicious, carnivorous hunters who plague system after system in the galaxy.  They will find a world to conquer like locusts and then wear masks with the face of those that they are about to conquer.  This species cannot be reasoned with; they know no compromise; they exist merely to conquer.

Dem on Dem Violence – Delicious and Nutritious!

I will give this to Obama and Clinton – they are amusing the hell out of me.  Whether it be Reverend Wright’s Racist Rants or Sinbad Presents: the Snipers of Bosnia – they are just giving us all a good laugh here and there.  Well done, sir and ma’am!

You know who I really feel bad for in all of this?  I mean – really, truly and absolutely?  Those poor schmucks in Pennsylvania.  I thought that we had it bad here in Texas when Barack, Hillary, John and Mike were knocking on doors, going through people’s trash, setting up pirate radio stations and sending out smoke-signal attack ads for a few weeks…those poor bastards up in Pennsylvania are going to be bombarded by them for weeks to come!

I can see it now: the Streets of Philadelphia….Ghost Town!  In Pittsburgh the citizens only come out under the cover of darkness!  In Allentown they’re hiding in all those factories shut-down that Billy Joel told us about.  All of these people hiding, living in fear…if one can truly call that living.  You can’t blame them, tho – they know that if they’re spotted out on the streets that they will be attacked immediately by pollsters and stumpers, demanding to know who they are voting for…and ready to tell them why they are wrong if they say the incorrect answer!  There will be no peace, no respite for these people until after April 22nd, and the zombie heard flocks to it’s new location.

And before I go any further – I want to apologize to the zombies for comparing them to these campaign workers.  Zombies are hard-working ghouls, just trying to get by in this crazy world.  They have to put up with social stigma due to the smell of their rotting flesh and a society who doesn’t approve of these humble creature’s eating habits.  Well – mock the Zombies all that you want – at least they seek out those with Brains.  You cannot say the same for the current mob of political activists running around in Penn’s Forest.  No – they want people with fewer brains: the less thoughts the better!  They just want their targets to be able to remember the last soundbite they hear before shuffling into the polling booth to do the bidding of their new dark lords and masters.  That’s not what Zombies are about, man…I know this and I apologize to every Undead-American  who is reading this.

They’d have to be undead – I can’t see any live people reading this tripe.  Won’t stop me from typing it, tho!  Nope!  I am doing the on-line version of talking to myself.  Why?  Because I like the little tickety-tap sound the keys make when I hit them really fast. 

Back to the Dem-on-Dem Violence:  I’m a fan.  Keep it up, Hill and O!  Keep slapping each other when you are down; keep biting at each other’s last words; try to drag each other into the muck as you stumble.  You’re both doing a wonderful job right now and I know that you can keep this going all the way to the Convention!  You are it:  you are the story!  No one even knows who the Republicans are running at this point, and the Libertarians?  The Greens?  The Other Greens?  Yeah – no one knows, and no one cares!  They could all be more qualified, but that’s not the point: you guys are more entertaining!

Well, at least to those of us who find humor in people repeatedly putting their feet in their mouths.  As far as physical comedy goes, that is right up there with the unexpected shot to the nuts.  Gold every time, Jerry!  Gold!!!

As for what lies ahead: I think that we can all turn this into a game.  We could set it up like Squares, where you pick a candidate, a date and a scandal.  each space costs $10 and you can tell your buddies: “I have Obama with a hooker on April 7th;” or “Hillary takes credit for ending the Cola Wars on March 29th.”  Personally, I’m voting for whichever candidate stopped the evil Galactic Empire plans by blowing up the Death Star.

God, these people amuse me….and one of them has a chance at being in charge this time next year….

Well, that thought just killed my buzz.

Understanding Hawkman: Part 2.b – Hector

Continuing our examination of the character Hawkman, we go back to our chapter on Family, Friends and Allies.  In our first part we looked at the many loves of Hawkman’s lives.  In this installment we look at the family of Hawkman, beginning with their son. 

In all of the lives of Hawkman and Hawkgirl, the one thing that they never had was children…not until this lifetime.  The curse that gave them life immortal showed it’s first sign of strain with the anomalous birth of the son of Carter and Sheira Hall.  For the first time there was another part of their cycle of death and rebirth: one who soon showed that he was a lot like his mother and father.

Hector Hall (aka: Silver Scarab; aka Sandman; aka Dr. Fate)

Hector is the son of Carter and Sheira Hall.  He followed in their footsteps as a crime-fighting adventurer, taking a name with ties to his family’s Egyptian roots: the Silver Scarab.  He, along with other sons and daughters of the JSA formed their own team of super-heroes: Infinity, Inc.  It was while a member of this group that Hector fell in love with Lyta Hall, the heroine known as the Fury.  It was eventually revealed that he was caught up in the curse of Hath-Set, and was inteded to be a soulless vessel to destroy the Hawks.  He was killed in action while Lyta was pregnant, and the inherint goodness of the child he conceived was the curse’s undoing.  But like his parents, Hector was not one to be stopped by death.

Hector would next show up as the Sandman – a hero based out of a segment of the Dreaming which was cut off by two rogue nightmares during Morpheus’ absence.  He would visit Lyta in her dreams, eventually discovering that she was pregnant with his child.  She became aware of him and they married, and she followed him into the Dreaming.  They existed there for some time – far beyond the gestation time of a normal pregnancy.  When Morpheus eventually returned he dispatched the rogue dreams and Hector along with them.  He allowed Lyta to leave the Dreaming, noting that due to the development of the child in his realm, he would be eternally tied to it.

 Hector was reborn for the third time in the pages of Johns and Robinson’s initial storyarc of JSA.  Hector’s soul was reborn into a baby’s body which was the perfect balance of Order and Chaos.  The biological parents were eventually revealed to be Hawk (Hank Hall) and Dove (Dawn Granger).  The child was sought after by the dark lord, Mordru, but before he could possess it, Hank’s spirit took control as the new host for Nabu’s power: his champion, Dr. Fate.  Hector seemed destined to become the greatest bearer of Nabu’s power, but it was quickly set into motion that he and the giver of his powers would be at odds.  Constantly distracted from his learning by his desire to find his love, Lyta, again, the relationship between Student and Mentor was cleary strained.  Attempting to impose a level of control over his champion that he never tried with Kent Nelson or Eric and Linda Strauss, Nabu would become more of a hinderance to Hector’s development rather than a proper mentor.  Their antagonistic relationship came to a head during the JSA-Hawkman crossover, Black Reign, when Nabu took control of Hector’s body, trapping his soul away in the world inside his amulet in order to ally himself with an ancient ally: Black Adam.  It was then that Hector discovered that Nabu had been keeping Lyta prisoner, as to keep her out of the way of what he considered Hector’s proper learning path to be.  Other former bearers of Nabu’s power were also imprisoned, and equally fed up with the old, controlling wizard.  Working together they managed to subdue Nabu and restored Hector to power in his own body, and freed Lyta to be at his side.

Hector and Lyta’s time together would be brief as they fell victim to an editorial “new direction” for Dr. Fate.  They were essentially killed off unceremoniously in a distant, cold place.  While their bodies died, however, their souls lived on – returning to the Dreaming at the behest of their son, whom we shall discuss at a later time.  Since their death and the re-emergence of the Helm of Nabu in the DCU, not a mention has been made of Hector or Lyta by their friends, family or teammates.  Their bodies remain in cold, unknown place with only the snow to cover them.

At this point, DC does not seem interested in following up on this story.

War is Upon us: Fables #71

There are just a handful of comics that I put ahead of just about any other: Ostrander’s Spectre; Gaiman’s Sandman; and Robinson’s Starman are probably at the top of that list.  Coming up fast behind them, and very likely to overtake them is what may be the best ongoing comic published today: Fables.

I arrived to this show late, but it did not take long for me to catch up.  I devoured the first 8 trade paperbacks as well as the 1001 Nights of Snowfall hardcover; and jumped on board for the monthlies with the recently-concluded storyline: The Good Prince.  Now everything that Bill Willingham has built up to in this comic appears to be coming to a head.  The War with the Homelands is no longer just talk: it is a reality.

And who better to get kick things off in this war than the most fashionable, foul-mouthed, super-sneaky, butt-kicker supreme: Cinderella!

PLEASE NOTE: There will be SPOILERS for this issue (#71) in this post, so if you don’t wish to read them, then check back here after you have! 

That is the cover to issue #71; and for those unfamiliar with Fables, it should be apparant that this isn’t Walt Disney’s little princess.  She does, however, owe a lot of her power to the Maker of the Mouse, who has kept her legend alive and well-known by millions.  The better-known the Fable, the more powerful they are.  So it only makes sense that She of the Glass Slipper would be one of the strongest, toughest Fables out there.

Already more powerful than your average Mundy (that’s the Mudane folk – the people of this world who only know these characters through fairy tale legends); Cinderella enters into the stratosphere of near SuperFable.  We’ve already seen what some of the more popular Fables have endured: Snow White survived being shot in the head; Jack Horner seems to be impaled or blown up every other issue; and Goldilocks…oy vey – where to begin?  The story of Cinderella is as well-known, or possibly even better-known than those Fables, so we can only imagine her power, which was hinted at in this issue (being able to flip over a large SUV without breaking a nail).

The thing about Cindy, tho – most Fables believe her to be a spoiled, foul-mouthed brat who by some miracle manages to keep a small shoe store in operation when she is not out galivanting about the globe.  None of them realize what we have known for some time: that she is essentially Fabletown’s number one spy and secret agent.  Recruited and trained by Bigby Wolf (the Big Bad Wolf and essentially the hero of this overall tale), Cindy has proven to be born for the life she now secretly leads.  Her latest adventure in this current issue take her to one of the Homeland’s open gates (soft spots between dimensions where one can travel between worlds) all the way down in Tierra del Fuego at the tip of Argentina.  She has been sent down to retrieve a package deemed so important that she is the only person that Bigby Wolf and her scoundrel of an ex-husband (but brilliant military commander) Prince Charming will trust to retrieve and return it safely to Fabletown.

 Her arrival in Tierra del Fuego gets off ot the wrong start immediately, as the man who was supposed to meet her to transfer the package brought two rather large goons along rather than come alone as agreed.  It turns out that the duplicitous and foolish, foolish little man had decided that instead of giving her the package, thta he would take her – a stunningly beautiful woman travelling alone – and attempt to sell her into human slavery to someone who would handsomely for a woman of her qualities.  Yes…well, this was a bad idea.

Within seconds, Cindy blinds one goon by jabbing his eyes out with her thumbs, shoots the other one and causes the vehicle that they are in to flip, knocking the very foolish man unconscious.  It is during this time that Cindy reveals her strength by flipping the vehicle back over while ot even questioning for a moment if she could.  When the foolish little man awakens she makes him take her to the package, even though that it is clear to her that he is setting her up again.  She willingly walks into this trap of his for the sake of checking on the package’s safety: and it is revealed to be Pinocchio – the runaway son of the Adversary and former citizen of Fabletown.  It turns out that he wants to come back, and that Bigby and Charming have decided that his knowledge is worth the risk of getting him.

Oh yeah – that trap?  Another bad idea.  Cindy dispatches the entire room full of goons quickly and without quarter, all the while mocking them in her thoughts, making fun of spy movies and looking absolutely fabulous while doing it.  We’ve seen her in some cloak and dagger action, but this is the first time that we really get to see her cut loose, and it is a sight to behold.  The single greatest mystery in the Fables comics is clearly this: how on Earth did Prince Charming survive pissing this woman off?

After the foolish, little man and his goons are dispatched, Cindy takes Pinocchio off the beaten path to get them home while avoiding trouble.  She makes some very funny comments about not standing out when she may as well be an albino in Kenya with her fashion choices.  She arrives back in the room that she and Pinocchio are staying in…only to discover that they have been found by one of the Adversary’s most nefarious agents: the murderous Hansel.

Once we get the veiled threats and veiled counter-threats out of the way, we get to the business of Hansel trying to pump her for information…but once again it seems that Hansel is a day late and a dollar short.  He wants to know when the War will begin.  He wants to know when Fabletown intends to strike, and we get a wonderful, Watchman-esque reaction from a laughing Cindy: the war began over 19 hours ago when Fabletown attacked from the Cloud Kingdoms.

Every so often this comic makes me declare a favorite character, only to declare a new favorite character a month later.  For a long time now I have been a Cindy fan and I have been looking forward to this spotlight issue, and now I am even more enamoured with the character than when I began.  Cindy, in the words of Jesus, totally freaking rules.

The War has begun, and for us readers the hardest part is upon us: the wait until the next issue comes out.

p.s. – I very nearly forgot to add that Prince Charming resigned as Mayor of Fabletown, leaving the recently-appointed King Cole to once again assume the duties as mayor.  His first act was to re-instate Beauty as deputy mayor and then to appoint Prince Charming as Director of Homeland Reclamation.  Prince Charming’s sole duty now is the generalship of the war.