Dem on Dem Violence – Delicious and Nutritious!

I will give this to Obama and Clinton – they are amusing the hell out of me.  Whether it be Reverend Wright’s Racist Rants or Sinbad Presents: the Snipers of Bosnia – they are just giving us all a good laugh here and there.  Well done, sir and ma’am!

You know who I really feel bad for in all of this?  I mean – really, truly and absolutely?  Those poor schmucks in Pennsylvania.  I thought that we had it bad here in Texas when Barack, Hillary, John and Mike were knocking on doors, going through people’s trash, setting up pirate radio stations and sending out smoke-signal attack ads for a few weeks…those poor bastards up in Pennsylvania are going to be bombarded by them for weeks to come!

I can see it now: the Streets of Philadelphia….Ghost Town!  In Pittsburgh the citizens only come out under the cover of darkness!  In Allentown they’re hiding in all those factories shut-down that Billy Joel told us about.  All of these people hiding, living in fear…if one can truly call that living.  You can’t blame them, tho – they know that if they’re spotted out on the streets that they will be attacked immediately by pollsters and stumpers, demanding to know who they are voting for…and ready to tell them why they are wrong if they say the incorrect answer!  There will be no peace, no respite for these people until after April 22nd, and the zombie heard flocks to it’s new location.

And before I go any further – I want to apologize to the zombies for comparing them to these campaign workers.  Zombies are hard-working ghouls, just trying to get by in this crazy world.  They have to put up with social stigma due to the smell of their rotting flesh and a society who doesn’t approve of these humble creature’s eating habits.  Well – mock the Zombies all that you want – at least they seek out those with Brains.  You cannot say the same for the current mob of political activists running around in Penn’s Forest.  No – they want people with fewer brains: the less thoughts the better!  They just want their targets to be able to remember the last soundbite they hear before shuffling into the polling booth to do the bidding of their new dark lords and masters.  That’s not what Zombies are about, man…I know this and I apologize to every Undead-American  who is reading this.

They’d have to be undead – I can’t see any live people reading this tripe.  Won’t stop me from typing it, tho!  Nope!  I am doing the on-line version of talking to myself.  Why?  Because I like the little tickety-tap sound the keys make when I hit them really fast. 

Back to the Dem-on-Dem Violence:  I’m a fan.  Keep it up, Hill and O!  Keep slapping each other when you are down; keep biting at each other’s last words; try to drag each other into the muck as you stumble.  You’re both doing a wonderful job right now and I know that you can keep this going all the way to the Convention!  You are it:  you are the story!  No one even knows who the Republicans are running at this point, and the Libertarians?  The Greens?  The Other Greens?  Yeah – no one knows, and no one cares!  They could all be more qualified, but that’s not the point: you guys are more entertaining!

Well, at least to those of us who find humor in people repeatedly putting their feet in their mouths.  As far as physical comedy goes, that is right up there with the unexpected shot to the nuts.  Gold every time, Jerry!  Gold!!!

As for what lies ahead: I think that we can all turn this into a game.  We could set it up like Squares, where you pick a candidate, a date and a scandal.  each space costs $10 and you can tell your buddies: “I have Obama with a hooker on April 7th;” or “Hillary takes credit for ending the Cola Wars on March 29th.”  Personally, I’m voting for whichever candidate stopped the evil Galactic Empire plans by blowing up the Death Star.

God, these people amuse me….and one of them has a chance at being in charge this time next year….

Well, that thought just killed my buzz.

Where have all the boobies gone?

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5627813.html

The decade-long battle between the City of Houston, Harris County and the multitude of strip clubs, wank banks, and “modelling studios” was dealt a severe blow yesterday as the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the appeal brought forth by several sexually-oriented business owners and managers.

 The city points out that it has spent about 1.2 million dollars enforcing the standards put in place in 1997…but they aren’t really saying exactly how much revenue they have made off of said places in that same time period.  I understand that there are some neighborhoods that want these places out, but overall this has always just seemed like another two-faced attempt to legislate morality while profitting from what they complain about.

I understand that the city doesn’t want a red light district…or multple red light districts, but when nighborhoods, schools and churches pop up around where some of these establishments are located, then don’t they share in the blame?  Is it really OK to drive people out of a place where they’ve been doing business just because you don’t care for it?

I’m not a patron of these establishments.  Unlike the former Governor of New York, I think that it is absolutely horrifying to spend so much money on prostitutes and other sexual perversions.  After all, I’m all about smart budgeting: I have never spent more than $750 for a hooker; and I can find plenty of pornography on the internet if the need arises (which I still don’t require a pill for: little, blue or otherwise).  That may not qualify me for public office, but it gets the job done!

But I digress – just because I do not no longer attend these places on a regular basis it does not mean that I am going to be less outraged when I see what I perceive to be bad civic policy.  We can’t have our strippers, hookers and patrons of wank banks harrassed by schools, hospitals or the Sunday Mafia.  NOT IN MY HOUSTON!

Our city was founded on brothels, casinos and pubs, dammit!  It is our heritage.  We cannot turn our backs on our heritage now just because the Presbyterians and Lutherans don’t want to see Candy Kane, Euphoria and Cherry Bombz walking to work on Sunday morning with their night-time makeup, “f**k-me” pumps and fresh-off-the-assembly-line chests!  We cannot forget our past just because some parents don’t want their children to not know about the multiple opportunities to break into the fashion industry at any one of our numerous of “modelling” studios!  We cannot let the dream of Augustus and John Kirby Allen die just because some random city councilman, who back in the late 90s blew over $7500 on a stripper named Chastity Synz, and has since held a grudge after discovering that she didn’t really “like him” like him!!!!  NEVER!!!

 As long as the city collects revenue from these establishments, we should stand as one and raise our hands into the air and say “NEIN!!!”

OK, one hand will do.

Confessions of a “crossover” voter

Perhaps you’ve heard of me.  I’m one of the hundreds of thousands currently being villified across Texas and Ohio for what some consider to be a subversion of the democratic process.

That’s right – I’m a “crossover” voter…or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Hillary Clinton’s wins in Texas and Ohio have been getting a lot of attention from Democratic Party activists, who bemoan the practice of “crossover” voting, which is when a member of a rival political party  vote in their opponent’s primaries to try to set up the election of their choosing in November.  They claim that it is “not fair,” which is always the first, last and most effective argument of a whiner.

It is true that many on the Right-leaning side of American politics were urging their members to vote for the Senator of New York, in hopes of either continuing the in-party bickering amongst the Democrats, or to set up a better opponent for John McCain to pull off a victory against in November.  I know of several people who did just this, including several close friends and relations, and for many of them, they did so just for the reasons that the likes of Rush Limbaugh has been espousing in recent days.

I have been told by many of my wonderful, non-judgemental Left-leaning friends that I am one of those nasty, poopy-pants who have struck a tell-tale blow against democracy.  I did vote in the Democratic primary, even tho I have no intention of voting for that party in November.  For my part, tho, I was not acting on the orders of Limbaugh – I voted for Obama.  Why did I do this?  It is simple: I cannot stand Hillary Clinton, a sentiment that goes back to before her days as first lady of the White House.  I won’t go into detail here why I feel such antipathy for the Senator, but trust me when I say that there is not a thing that anyone could say which would change my opinion of her.

So, why did I vote for Obama when I plan of voting for McCain?  Did I think that he’d be an easier opponent for my candidate of choice?  Not at all – what it came down to for me is that I would not have a problem with Obama as President, and in all of my years of voting for the leader of the free world, I have never had a contest where I could live with either of the major party candidates.  I do not agree with the man politically; I believe that he is rather divisive for a “uniter;” and I question some of his goals and ambitions.  That said – I’d much rather give him a shot than entertain the possibility of the Senator of New York in the White House.  I guess that it is the opposite feeling of “the devil you know.”

But here is where I take exception to the label of “crossover” voter.  That label implies that I am a Republican, which I am not, and it incorrectly asserts that I buy into our petty gang war…I mean, two-party system, which again, I do not.  I do tend to lean towards the right on many social issues, but those are not important to me.  I don’t believe that you can legislate morality, and politicians who try to do such, be they Sharks or Jets, just get a nice roll of the eyes from me.

My reasons for usually voting Republican as opposed to Democrat are mostly based on financial and economic factors.  Fiscally, I am essentially conservative; I am pro-business; I do not like programs which lead to dependancy on the Federal Government; and I believe in smart economic planning.  Since I believe in all of those things, you can see why I do not consider myself a Republican.  They have been letting me down more and more over the years, and they are no longer the party of fiscal responsibility.  Bear in mind – when I say that they aren’t, it doesn’t mean that I think that the Democrats are: they’re worse, and that’s why, despite being less than enamored with the Republicans, I still find them to be more palatable to my taste than their Donkey Brothers and Sisters.

But I am not a Republican.  I will not give them, nor any of their candidates a dime.  I won’t give my money to the other side either.  I have no allegiance to either party, therefore while some may consider me to be a “crossover” voter, I shrug off that label.  Earlier this week I did nothing to “subvert” the democratic process; I did nothing that “was not fair:” I made the decision based upon what I felt was best for me in the long run.

As for the criticism from the Republican side, especially the 305 people – you choose amongst yourselves who is going to represent your party in all of the State, County and Judicial elections.  If they’re any good, then I’ll consider voting for them in November.

High Fidel-ity

Or better yet…is Fidel high???

I read a little news snippet earlier today where that rascal, Fidel Castro, in his latest fit of impotent rage has announced that there will be no diplomatic relations as long as George W. Bush is President.

Um….Fidel?  How is that any different from Clinton, Bush 41, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon or Johnson???  Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Fidel, but I really don’t think that it is up to you when diplomatic relations will resume. 

Honestly, I feel kind of bad for the guy – he needs an “adversary” so badly…but outside of the Cuban Exile community, he just can’t get anyone in America to care about his little, oppressive bastion of failed Marxism.  He reminds me of the “Toll House Cookie” kid, saying “I’m leaving…..you’ll never see me again….I mean it!”  Fidel, buddy – we haven’t forgotten that you’re there, we just don’t give a rat’s ass about you.  No offense, chief.

What poor ol’ Fidel doesn’t realize is that he is so far below our government’s radar right now.  There will be no resumption of diplomatic relations until the formaldahyde man eventually kicks the bucket, and even then it won’t be our government doing anything about change.  There will be major forces at work, but it won’t be Bush, or whomever his successor will be.  The big names in the next stage for Cuba will be ones like: Caesar’s Palace; or Harrah’s; or Trump; or the Waltons.  Fidel’s dream of war with America will not come to pass…all he has to look forward to after his death is where the first Starbucks will be located once the US lifts the embargo.

OK, so there will be no diplomatic relations with the US as long as Bush is President…you’re really showing us, Fidel!  I think that we just got, as the kids say, diplomo-served.  No other option now but a dance off…

Message to the For’ners in Regards to the US Election

Well, the Presidential election of 2008 is in full swing…as opposed to what it’s been in for the past year and a half, I guess.  Anyway, the year is here.  By this time next year we’ll be preparing to inaugerate our new Commander-in-Chief and I’m sure that I won’t be the only one who will be so damned sick of hearing about it that I could just scream.

There is one thing that baffles me every presidential election year, tho…I’m used to seeing the headlines every day and in every paper; and I’m used to the Race being the only topic of discussion on the 24-hour chatterboxes; but what I still do not get to this day is that this is true not only in America, but in so many foreign nations as well.

For’ners – why do you care?  Every time I ask this question to a for’ner, they usually get defensive and huffy, taking some sort of elitist stance of “well, unlike you we care about world events,” which is utter crap and they know it as well as I do.  The people of the UK, France or Canada don’t care who wins the presidential election of Paraguay or Mexico…but with America they are obsessed.

Interest wouldn’t be so bad, but all to often the for’ners seem to think that their opinions matter.  They don’t.  I know that sounds harsh, but it is pure fact.  If you are not a US Citizen, then your opinion on our Presidential politics flat-out does not matter.  We are not electing a leader who will be popular with you.  We are electing a leader who is best for us.  If you don’t like the person, well…piss off.  Not trying to be combative here, but it really annoys me to no end when I hear a for’ner interjecting their opinion into our matters, often chastising us for “not making the right decisions.”

That’s just it, tho – they are our decisions.  Do you think that many Americans would have elected Angela Merkl after the centerpiece of her campaign was to be as anti-American as possible?  Do you think that we would have agonized to no end if Sarkozy had not been elected in France?  Maybe some would have, but turnabout is fair play – the opinions of those Americans in those matters count for two things: jack and squat.

There are plenty of things going on in the world for non-US citizens to focus on in the coming year.  Our presidential race doesn’t have to be one of them, you damned, dirty, voyeuristic for’ners!

Obama and Huckabee win the Iowa Caucuses!

Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee won the Democrat and Republican Iowa Caucases, respectively.

 Hmmm….that’s nice.

Speaking of nice, I was so happy today because as I was out walking I saw a very pretty tree.  I know that there are those amongst you who believe that all trees are pretty, but that just isn’t true.  There are pretty trees, and there are ugly trees.  It is just a fact of nature: deal with it.

Of course, trees shouldn’t be judged by how pretty they are; but rather by the oxygen they help produce, or the shade that they provide, or by the quality of paper they’ll eventually provide one day.  I’d say that beauty is only skin-deep, but these are trees we’re discussing, and they don’t have skin.  They have bark.

Speaking of bark; I’ve always wondered what kind of sounds a tree would make if they had the chance.  I don’t think that they’d sound much like dogs, but then again, maybe they do…or maybe dogs sound like trees.  Hmm….

What would you ask a tree?  It can’t be a very stimulating conversation.  It’s not like that you can ask them if they’ve gone anywhere lately; and you can’t talk to them about baseball, because who knows if one of the Bats used in a baseball game was once a friend of that tree.  I would think that avoiding those kinds of touchy subjects would be for the best.

Speaking of tree-products…does anyone else feel guilty about using toothpicks sometimes?  Do you think that is really the kind of thing a tree aspires to become someday?  It would be really bad if they just made a single toothpick out of an entire tree and threw away the rest.  Seems kind of wasteful to me.  Should I feel bad for laughing at the thought?

Personally, I don’t use toothpicks anymore.  Instead, I use these little DenTek Triple-Clean Floss Picks.  They rock, and it’s not because using them helps to save trees, but rather it is because they have a taut line of floss on one end which makes getting between the molars easier.  Of course, if by using these I save even one tree then it would be worth it.

Of course, if a tree had a chance it would probably kill me, you and everyone whom we love.  They’d also kick dogs and step on kittens.  Come to think of it, Trees can be real dicks sometimes, as can that preachy, little, furry bastard, the Lorax.  Damn hypocrite probably has hardwood floors all throughout his Hollywood Mansion.

So yeah, Obama and Huckabee….whatever.

Getting Cozy with Sarkozy!!!

I must congratulate French President, Nikolas Sarkozy, on his new relationship with one of my all-time favorite former models, Carla Bruni.   I’m trying to find an image of her that is work-safe and all that other junk.  Just do a google search without the safe-filter on, and you should see plenty of her. 

I’m proud of our fine, French Friend on the other side of the pond.  He isn’t hiding it; he isn’t making excuses for it…he’s just out there basically saying “Hey, I may be a little guy, but I’ve got money and power and I’m recently divorced, so Saddle Up!!!”

Here, I found a work/family friendly picture of her with her guitar:

Atractive in that nice, natural way.  She’s not a Silicone Diva; plus she plays the guitar, so that’s cool.  All in all, good job by the French guy.  Could you imagine that trying to play out over here?  I’m not one to run around like a chicken with my head cut off over some inconsistancies or hypocritical stances we sometimes take; but yowza…just imagine the firestorm if

1. A United States President got divorced while in office (especially so close to their election)
2. That US President started dating a model; especially one who was never shy about taking it all off.

Yeah…I’m sure that FOX, CNN, MSNBC and all the rest would treat that subject with the subtlety and discretion which they are known for.

 

Oh look!  Here she is again with her guitar, smiling as she’s about to bash it over someone’s head…wait – this isn’t wrestling, is it?  Well, if it were to happen here in the US then it may as well be.  The media circus and non-stop coverage would sound like a Vince McMahon-styled plot.  It could only end in someone getting their head shaved after a steel-cage match.  God bless our Media!

I’m curious how the French media is treating this.  Are they running her old pictures in their papers, or on their websites?  Are they following the two everywhere they go; critiquing every move they make?  I am going to assume so, because just as French is the language of love; sleazy trash is the language of Journalism.

You know who I really feel bad for in all of this?  Former president, Bill Clinton.  Somewhere he has got to be watching Sarkozy with this beautiful woman just thinking “Dammit! You French guys have all the luck!”

I’m voting in the Democratic Primary

I have been trying to avoid all Presidential politics seeing as how we’re already up to our gills in them and they aren’t going anywhere; but I have come to a decision for next year.

I have decided to vote in the Democratic Primary.

I rarely vote for Democrats, but I have decided to do this for the following reasons:

1) The field of Republicans are about as interesting to me as an amorphus blob of goo.

2) In the event the Democrats win, I’d rather see one that I actually like.

3) I actually do like, and am intrigued more and more by Obama.

4) No, I don’t watch Oprah.

 Yeah, I am intrigued by Obama.  He first got my attention several months back when he went to Detroit and took a very unpopular stance against the Unions and Automakers up there.  He said something I do not expect to hear from politicians seeking office – the truth.  And he stood by it.  When asked to “apologize” he didn’t…because there was absolutely nothing to apologize for!

It is no secret amongst those who know me that I cannot stand Hilary, and I utterly loathe John Edwards.  The thought of either of them getting the nod for the Democratic Party makes my stomach turn over.  Obama, on the other hand, is a candidate whom I feel I could support regardless of party affiliation.  I put him in the same category as former Houston Mayor, Bob Lanier; and current Houston Mayor, Bill White.  Again, those who know me know that I consider that to be high praise.

I told one of my more left-leaning friends about this; and it upset him.  He accused me of trying to subvert the democratic process by “infiltrating” his party’s primary for my own purposes.  But isn’t that what the democratic process is?  To find and back candidates whom you can support?  I don’t see it as “infiltration” at all…of course, that dude really does have a flair for the dramatic and a total victim mentality, so I need to remember that.

I could live with Barak Obama as President…and in this day and age being able to live with the eventual winner is about as ringing an endorsement as I can offer.

Once upon a time…I cared.

This evening at dinner, I was eating out with some friends and the subject of politics came up, specifically the 2008 Presidential election.  While most members of my party this evening find ourselves in the same idealogical camp, the subject of the next occupant of the Oval Office tends to bring out the absolute best in people.  While listening to some of the back and forth banter about this candidate and that candidate, I just could not help but notice how little I cared.

Time was, I was involved.  I kept up with the issues and the candidates stances on those issues.  I was armed with information and the belief that I could make a difference.

 Then somewhere over the last couple years I’ve discovered that I just don’t care anymore.  I don’t have the energy to get outraged over things that do not affect me directly.  I neither have the patience for causes; nor the attention span for discourse.

But what is discourse?  I used to believe that Discourse was discourse, of course, of course…but have since realized that discourse is no more than the ass of a horse.  Nobody “discusses” politics or issues these days.  Everything comes down to one belief which spans all party lines: “I am right; you are wrong; and you are ignorant for your beliefs.”  Looking back at my more “enlightened” days, I was guilty of that line of reasoning myself.  The problem I had, and that pretty much everyone has, is that we don’t see it when we are in the act of it.

If the world had as many truly “enlightened” people as it does those who believe that they are “enlightened” then it would never be dark at night with all of the glowing.

I guess what I’m saying is that I have no patience for politics, but I will so totally take the time to set up a bad pun.